What the hell is a TWEEN? I mean, I know what it is, but can someone explain how this whole concept started? As far as I’m concerned, you are either a TEEN or you are a CHILD. I am honestly terrified of what society is doing to girls. How did the messages being sent to them get so unbelievably mixed up? On the one hand, we seem to be telling our girls that they should stay young forever and be innocent princesses and on the other, that they should grow up fast and be whores. Great! Listen, I'm all for choices, but there has to be a middle ground here somewhere, right???
When my oldest was 5, she went to a classmate’s party. I didn't really know the family, so I hung around and watched as the kids played, ate and eventually opened presents. And one of the gifts given to this 5 YEAR OLD GIRL, from a family member for that matter, was a padded bra and panty set! And this little girl SQUEALED with delight, "Oh my gosshhhh, a bra and panties! Just like I asked for!" How did this even happen?? How are there actual sets like this for little kids? I mean, given, this was not a little kid in stature, but she sure as hell didn’t need a bra - padded or otherwise! And the set was certainly not designed for a teenager.
And what in the name of Moses was aunt Bertha or whoever thinking when she bought it?? AND it was CLEARLY a requested gift, so what in the world were her PARENTS thinking when they passed this information on? Oh, and her mom just stood there looking pleased as spiked punch by this gift! EXPLAIN THIS TO ME - because I seriously couldn’t explain it to my daughter - and BELIEVE ME, she asked me to! How was I supposed to explain why her classmate wanted to wear a bra, but her MOTHER doesn’t?????
If you know me at all - or even read my blogs, you know I’m not a prude, but I’m struggling here. And to be honest, I’ve struggled with this my whole life. This whole concept of putting girls into categories. I think because I never fit into one. I have NEVER been the “Girl Next Door” - although clearly I had neighbors so I lived next door to SOMEONE - but you know what I mean.
I wasn’t a Princess, Jewish or otherwise (insert JAP joke here, I know you’re thinking it), and if I was ever in a Laura-f-ing-Ashley dress I was forced into it, and my guess is, I broke out into a rash from the humiliation. That wasn’t me. I was never the “type of girl you took home” and I have no idea why or what that even means. I wasn’t whorey - I just didn’t conform. I was just ME. Fine, me with a crapload of drama back in the day, but under that - just me. Although I was once sent home from school for wearing a sheer black shirt with a black bra (back when I pretended I needed a bra) under it. I was told by the dean that sent me home it was because my outfit was “distracting” and that I “exuded sex”. That dean was eventually charged with statutory rape by the by. No, not by me, but I remember being very confused and ashamed by the whole incident regardless. I wasn’t TRYING to be sexy. I was 17 and it was the ‘80s. But if I WAS sexy, that was bad?? Why is THAT BAD?? I was 17, not 5!
Now, of course I don’t want my girls to be whores. And by that I mean, I don’t want them to feel so insecure about who they are that they end up giving up The Sex to any and every dillhole that doesn’t even deserve a second glance, just because they think that will make him LOVE them.
But how do I make that clear to them when stores like TARGET are trying to prostitute them out in children’s sized padded bras and panty sets? AND how do I navigate this without shaming them so that when they ARE older they know it’s OK to be sexy as long as they are being true to themselves? SEX is NOT BAD. Sex is NOT shameful. Sex is natural and flat out amazing when it’s done right and done at the right time with the right person when both your mind and body can understand what feels RIGHT and when all parties involved are ready - REALLY ready - and willing.
Now on the flip side, I really hope my girls don’t aspire to be princesses either. I mean, I get the whole fantasy to an extent - but overall the princess concept eluded me as a kid, and eludes me still. Why would anyone WANT to be a princess? I mean, other than for the money and fancy clothing? It's embarrassing. Princesses are so unbelievably needy! Why do you need a prince, a fairy, or some freaking RODENT to do things for you? Do it your damn self!
ANNNNDDD WHHHYYYY, may I ask DISNEY, are princesses always ready to get married at 16???? 16! Are you kidding me?? Who the HELL knows who they are at 16? I mean, come on. I shudder to think of how horribly stunted my mental - not to mention sexual - growth would be if I had gotten married at 16! And seriously, they are basically ALL 16 in those movies - and I think - up until Brave came out - that they ALL - every single one of them - got married at the end. How did ANY of those poor princesses know what they were even getting into? I MEAN, The Little Mermaid didn’t have a VAGINA until like, a few days before she got married!
And she didn’t have a voice! She couldn’t even ASK someone what in the name of Daryl Hannah just showed up between those legs that she was so excited to be jump’n and danc’n around on! Give the girl a kickass vibrator and let her go to town for at LEAST a WEEK before letting Prince Eric have his way with her! Good. GOD! And listen, the whole princess thing has GOT to get old for men, too. I get the whole “hero complex” and I know that a lot of men are raised to want to “save” and pursue and woo a woman, but like, don’t men want to be wooed too? Don’t they want to be given the chance to live out their fantasies? If they don’t, they should.
Now, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t want someone to love you so much that they fight for you to be in their lives against all odds. Or that you shouldn’t want or even NEED someone to defend you from time to time. Everyone needs a little rescuing now and again. But I want my girls to FIGHT for what they want and stand up for THEMSELVES just as much, if not more.
I don’t want them to act like princesses - I want them to act like warriors. I want them to be themselves and to be BRAVE. Because being brave is always better than being cowardly -- even though bravery can come with a price. Not everyone will see them as brave and not everyone will like them or their choices all the time, but at the end of the day - that doesn’t matter. What other people think and expect -- it doesn’t matter. What matters is that they are true to themselves. And maybe that sounds like I want them to be selfish, but that’s not what I mean. I just don’t ever want them to have to live with that gnawing knot in their stomachs reminding them that they aren’t really and truly happy. That try as they might to convince themselves that they have everything, they are actually just settling because they think that's the "right" thing to do and are too afraid to make a change. I want them to know - I NEED them to know - that change is always possible, even when it’s hard. They don’t have to be princesses or whores. They don’t have to grow up too fast or stay young forever. They just need to figure out who they are and what they want, face their fears and failures - of which we ALL have many - and realize that THEY ARE WORTH IT. Whatever IT is. They are worth it. We all are.
So screw inappropriate mini padded bra and panty sets. And screw appropriate, vaginaless, boring princesses. Here's to living exciting and fulfilling lives and teaching our children how to do the same.
Peace out,
C
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